The Bacon, Egg, and Beef Ball-Buster

Bored of browsing the usual Umphrey-Lee business? Could you use a little more blubber in that badonkadonk? Then bomb your belly like it’s Beruit with the Bacon, Egg and Beef Ball-Buster, the most banging blend of flavors ever beheld by bread. But before you back away from this brain-bending beast of a meat-wad, with its brazen disregard for your cardiovascular health, bring your attention to its bomb-ass features:

Step One: Start with your buns. So far pretty ballsy.

Step Two: Bequeath those buns with one beauteous burger patty. Because you mean business.

Step Three: Get some bacon all up on that burger like a boss.

Step Four: Finally, bumble over to the omelet station and beckon the friendly Umphrey Lee personnel to bask your bacony-burger-belly-bomb with greasy, delicious egg, either scrambled or over-easy, or both.

Basically, bring all your buddies and prepare to be bloated by the end of this bitchin shandwhich. It will be the best. In fact you may very well contract Beiber-fever, because when you taste this sandwhich you’ll be like Baby, baby, baby, oh….

Proof of the Magic:

“This is the perfect recipe for our Cafe 100 Centennial Burger!” –SMU PR

*disappointed glare* –Surgeon’s General

My Big Fat Greek Sandwich

The Greeks of antiquity gave us much of our cultural heritage. Here at SMU, Greeks have also produced some very valuable things– multiple, inspired forms of public intoxication, 90% of North Dallas Polo revenues, and an entire board of directors. But seeing as honey and ambrosia (i.e. our beloved Keystone) are not available on the meal plan, we bring you this greek-inspired recipe given unto us by the FratGod Dionysus himself.

Step 1: Hunt and gather: You will need the following–

• Two pieces of bread
• A handful of baby spinach leaves (like veal, it tastes better when it’s young)
• A few spoonfuls of crumbled feta cheese
• 3-4 Grape tomatoes
• Balsamic Vinaigrette Dressing (from the salad line)
• And (here’s the tricky part) Steak – an extreme rarity, but not impossible to find

Step 2: Spinach the bread

Step 3: Gingerly place Grade D beef upon the bed of green

Step 4: As Leonidas said, “THIS IS… FETA!!!!”

Step 5: Cut and disseminate the grape tomatoes

Note: Ideally, you would have a sharper knife to cut the tomatoes, but ideally you wouldn’t be eating in Umph in the first place, so just do what you can.

Step 6: Anoint thy sandwich with balsamic oils

Step 7: Top off your culinary odyssey with that second slice of bread

Proof of the Magic:

“Olive this sandwich. Get it?” -Punny Fellow

“I’d bid this sandwich in an instant.” -IFC Member

“I bet this sandwich looks as great as it tastes.” -Tiresias

“The May 2010 Greek protests were sparked by the conception of the first Yumphrey-Lee greek sandwhich.” –https://dl.dropbox.com/u/19581388/Picture%202.png

Man Fries

Also known as Equal-Opportunity Fries: anyone, regardless of gender, should skip the gym and gobble up these fries instead.

Step 1: Sprinkle cheddar from the condiments zone onto delicious future-Man-Fries.

Step 2: Go to the side where the cereal lives, and place the plate in microwave. Let incubate for 30 seconds on high. Be sure to use this microwave, because the one on the side with the House music is broken and would take forever.

You might be wondering, why not just use the pre-melted cheese also available at the condiment aisle? Well, pro-tip: that’s not really cheese. It’s melted Yellow. Moving on.

Step 3: Drizzle Ranch dressing from the salad bar onto the fries. This is the trickiest part of the process: possible pitfalls include drizzling with too much/too little enthusiasm, and accidentally using the Light ranch. In fact if you accidentally use the Light Ranch just go ahead and start over.

Step 4 (optional): To further Pimp Your Fries, garnish with bacon bits, also in residence at the condiment zone.

Proof of the magic:

“Is it ‘State Fair Night’???” -All your friends as you eat these fries

“I eat ten plates of these every day for breakfast.” –Chuck Norris

“My adviser says I need a man who eats Man Fries to complete my MRS degree.” –future SMU trophy wife

2 Ingredients, 1 Cup

Some things are made for each other: Cereal and Milk, Red and Blue, SMU and fountains.

This combination of decent Umphrey-Lee regulars goes together better than Highland Park Moms and their Lexus SUVs. Behold, the peanut butter and chocolate ice cream 1 cup combo:

Step 1: Obtain cup

Step 2: Smother delicious peanut butter inside that cup

Step 3: Dispense low grade chocolate ice cream into dat cup

Step 4: Enjoy and make all of your friends jealous.

Proof of the magic:

• “It’s peanut butter chocolatey heaven.” -Girl we put on the spot for a quote
• “Mhmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” -Us
• “It’s better than universal health care.” -Obama